I am definitely a “work in progress.”

When I was married nearly 30 years ago, I weighed 98 lbs. @ just under 5′ tall. Today I’m 50 lbs. heavier, and struggling with the self-image that is prompted by the way that society views and values women. I have good days, and bad days with that self-image.

This morning, I had to turn off the radio in order to help promote a good day for myself. I was listening to the Mark in the Morning show on 100.3 The Sound (Los Angeles), and they were doing something that seemed kind of fun – showcasing a saxophone player. But then, a girl walked in, and the “man on the street” said, “Hey, a pretty girl just walked in. Do you want to talk to her?” Mark responded, “Is she really that good looking?” Answer: “She’s do-able.” This is where I tuned out.

We live in a world where our value as women is measured by whether or not we’re “do-able.” Even on the radio, where people can’t see what she looks like, this woman was presented as a product and judged by one person with a microphone. Maybe, instead, they could have stuck with the saxophone player and decided to speak with her based on whether or not she seemed to be enjoying the music.

I’m proud of the women in Hollywood who are fighting back against the empty questions about “who” they are wearing, what they look for in a man, and how they balance being a mother and a career woman. These are not questions that are asked of men. I avoid television shows that are designed to tear women down by critiquing what they wear and how they do their hair and makeup, and that focus on pitting women against each other in petty cat fights. This generally means that I don’t watch most of reality TV.

I read a story on Facebook a while back about a woman whose children posted a photo of her in a swimsuit at the beach. She was mortified, because all she saw were flaws and fat. She asked her children to take down the photo, and they were surprised. Because they saw their beautiful mother. They saw the happy, relaxed look on her face. They saw the angel that was their mother in an idyllic situation. They didn’t see what she saw.

So, I’m a work in progress. This doesn’t mean I’m going to ignore my weight. It’s important to be healthy. But I doubt that I’m going to see 98 lbs. again. I’m probably always going to be a bit square, whether I’m all muscle, or whether I’m soft. I’m short, and my awesomeness must work within the frame that I’ve been given. It’s time for me to stop worrying about how other people see me. Frankly, I love WHO I AM much more than I like HOW I LOOK.

In the meantime, I encourage everyone to change the channel, unsubscribe to the magazines, and stay away from the toxic messages that tell women that we are only worth our sex appeal.