First-Time Voting in Pennsylvania

November 8, 2017 / Jennifer

So, yesterday was my first time voting in Pennsylvania. Those of you who have known me for a while know that I value my right – and my duty – to vote, and to be part of our democratic process.

In case some of you are curious about whether or not voting is different in PA than in CA, I did notice a few differences.

First, I registered to vote at PennDOT (PA equivalent of the DMV) when I got my new driver’s license. There were a few questions on the computer at the end of the process, and it was very easily done. Less than a week later, I received my confirmation postcard, which many of you saw me post on FB.

After that, I received… pretty much nothing. I became aware of the election from commercials on TV and friends on Facebook. A few well-placed private messages gained me some key links — where to verify my voting registration status, how to locate my polling place, etc. (Thanks, Allie Cat!) I took a screen shot of the address for my polling location, for easy access on Tuesday.

On Tuesday morning, I got up, dressed, and went downstairs. Even before having breakfast, Edmond suggested he take me over to vote (he apparently did NOT register to vote when he got his driver’s license – at least, the website could not find it. Paperwork has since been submitted). So, off we went.

My polling place was at a local government office. Keep in mind, now, that I now live in a rural area (population < 9,000). Unlike CA, PA is made up of cities, boroughs, townships, each respectively smaller than the other (here are some fun facts about cities, boroughs and townships, in case you’re curious). This impacts how the local government is management, and, I’m sure, voting district lines. At any rate, the polling location was easy to find, as we found ourselves following behind three other cars going to the same location (this rarely happens).

My first impression was the visual. All of the lawn signs with candidate names were plastered across the front of the building. I’ve always had the impression this was not allowed in CA, as I’ve never seen so many signs in one place. My polling locations have always been void of any propaganda, the only markers signifying that it was a polling location being red, white, and blue bunting or American flags outside of the entrance.In this case, the signs overlapped each other and carried all the way across the building.

(This, of course, is where there should be a full color photo of the polling location with all of the signs. It didn’t occur to me at the time to take a photo.)

As I walked into the foyer, I was greeted and asked if I wanted a Sample Ballot. Yes, I did! I had not received one in the mail, and wanted to review my options. Now, here’s where there’s a big difference. In CA, a “Sample Ballot” is provided to every voter. It includes every measure, election, etc., and a brief summary of either the issue or the person’s qualifications.The sample ballot handed to me was on a half-sheet of colored paper, and it consisted of a table with the issue/position, and the expected vote.

I then learned that this was the Republican ballot. As I am registered “No Political Affiliation,” I asked for both. The lady on the opposite side of the foyer (6 feet away) had the Democratic sample ballot. Both ladies were able to tell me who and what the “party” was supposed to vote for, and why.

This was helpful to me, as a first time voter who had not been receiving information. But again, this is one of the big differences. In CA, this would not have happened – at least, not in any of the voting experiences I have ever had. By the time you reach the polling location in CA, you are expected to have all of the information you need, and no further influence is allowed. I have always valued that, as I have always received my information and been well-prepared to vote. As there was not a long line, this seemed to work. There was a door separating these women from the people who were inside, voting.

I went inside, now armed with the information I needed. Since I live in a borough, the polling location served more than one voting district, and so I first had to identify which side of the room I should be in. There was a map, with district lines drawn. Blooming Glen III for me, right side of the room. Voter check-in is much the same – same books, found my name, show ID (as a first time voter in PA, there was a flag next to my name indicating that I needed to show my ID), sign my name. No ballot was handed to me. This was new. I’ve always had a ballot handed to me, which I then take to a tall table with curtains for privacy. There, I either punch (remember chads?), or draw arrows, or do whatever is needed to indicate my vote. When done, I take my completed ballot back up to the table and insert it into a machine, which reads and tabulates the vote.

Here, the voting process was more computerized. Being dependent upon technology is always an “iffy” thing, and sure enough, out of the two booths that were set up for Blooming Glen III voting district side, only one was functioning. So, a little bit of a line. This was good, as I needed to be educated, and said so. There was a ballot taped to the wall. The monitor explained to me that when I went into the booth, the ballot would be on a screen with a light behind it. Each of the voting options would be indicated, and to vote, I just press the smaller box next to the person/option that I would vote for. The selected choice would then show a red light. At the end, press the large green VOTE button to submit.

Then it was my turn. I walked into the large voting booth – much larger than the tiny stands I was accustomed to in CA – and closed the curtains. The monitor pressed a switch (or something) on the side, and the ballot lit up. The ballot was about as simple as it could get – issue or position name at the left, Democrat candidates in the second column, Republican candidates in the third column, and Green Party in the far right column. There was even an option to press a single button to vote the entire party line, which would immediately light up every option under the party column. I read the options, pressed the boxes, verified the little red lights, and pressed the VOTE button. No pencils or pens required, no staying within lines, no hanging chads. It was nice and easy.

As I walked out, I received my “I voted” sticker. It was easily 6 times as large as the teeny sticker I always got in CA. I guess when there are only a few thousand voters, the district can splurge a little.

My overall impressions? Both Surprised and Impressed

Surprise – at the amount of last minute influence that is allowed. It was helpful to me in this situation, so I can’t say it was all bad, but I had relatively small issues to vote for. I can see how pressure could be applied to larger crowds where lines are long, and issues are more critical. I prefer the stark, pressure-free environment.

Impressed – by the technology. Although I prefer the more informative layout of a California ballot, the technology made it easy to select my votes and submit. I’ve always thought California could do better, from a technology standpoint. Then again, I’ve always been in more heavily populated areas, which may influence the choice of technology.

I did ask about whether information was typically sent out, and was assured that LOTS of information was sent out. In hindsight, I was asking party representatives, and I am registered No Affiliation. So, it seems I need to do some more digging into what is sent to those who are not affiliated with a specific party. It seems this group may be overlooked.

Expectations

March 10, 2017 / Jennifer

A while ago, I drove through McDonald’s and ordered a large, unsweetened iced tea. As I drove away, I took a sip and immediately made a face. “Ugh! This is SWEET tea!” Not what I wanted, and not what I expected. I don’t have anything against sweet tea, I’m just not fond of sweet tea. So, I didn’t drink it. I just went back, let them know they got the order wrong, and got a new cup of unsweetened iced tea.

Sometimes, we don’t get what we want, or what we expect. That part may be out of our control. Once that happens, though, we are in complete control of what we do next.

Suppose that I made some orange juice, but when I looked for a container to store it in, all I could find were milk containers. So, I put the orange juice in the milk container.

Wait a minute — how do I know it’s a milk container? Was it a gallon jug that has “MILK” written on it? Was it a 1/2 gallon carton that says “MILK?” Or is it just that I make an assumption based on what I usually experience? If the container is transparent, I should be able to see what’s inside, and I’ll know what to expect. But if it’s opaque, what’s inside won’t be immediately obvious.

So, let’s say that the container is opaque, it’s what I usually put milk in, and I put orange juice in it.

Now Joe comes home. He loves orange juice. He also likes milk. And he’s thirsty. So, he opens the fridge, reaches in and grabs the container, opens the top, and takes a big swallow. He’s likely to make a face. Why? Well, he expected milk, but he got orange juice. He might momentarily look up at me at say, incredulously, “What the hell? This is orange juice! It’s supposed to be milk!”

At this point, he’s got some choices.

He can throw the container against the wall, swearing at me for putting orange juice in a milk container.

He can create a special area in the fridge for “queer milk” so that he never has to make that mistake again.

He can take a breath, and change his expectations, given the new information that he has in his hands. Now that he is aware that the contents of the container, he can decide that he’d like some more orange juice, or he can put it back into the fridge and look for something else, like the milk he expected in the first place.

He can stand there, demanding that the contents of the container magically become milk, to match his expectations of the container.

What can we learn from this?

Violence is never the answer. Swearing at me and throwing the container against the wall would waste some perfectly good orange juice and probably start a fight. And we all know that we shouldn’t cry over spilled… well, orange juice. In all fairness, it wasn’t the orange juice’s fault.

Designating a special area in the fridge? A waste of space if we rarely encounter “queer milk.” We may want to put some white wine in that spot at some point. It makes much more sense to allow queer milk to mingle equally with everything else in the fridge. Besides, There are some things that Joe could do to avoid confusion and become more comfortable when he encounters unexpected orange juice filled milk containers in his life.

For example, – maybe Joe shouldn’t drink directly from the container. If Joe had taken a few seconds to look into the container, he would have seen that the contents were orange, and not white. Had he poured some of the contents into a glass, he would have immediately seen that he had orange juice, and not milk. He then could have decided to drink the orange juice, or pour it back and choose something else.

In this case, he already tasted the orange juice. Once he realized it was orange juice, maybe he realized it was really good orange juice. That can really help get over the discomfort caused by the unmet expectation. If it was bad orange juice, he could just put it away and pick something else. So, maybe we should all get to know what’s in our glass before we take a sip.

Labels can be deceiving. If the container had a permanent “MILK” label on it, it can still be used to hold orange juice. We should always double check before making an assumption.

Communication is important. When Joe went to the fridge to get a drink, I could have said, “hey, by the way, I put orange juice in the milk container. So, don’t expect milk.” That would have set his expectations and helped him make an informed choice.

Finally — and this one is really important — Getting upset about the fact that orange juice is in a container you expected milk to be in doesn’t mean that the orange juice will change to meet your expectations. It’s still going to be orange juice. Sure, you can go through the rest of your life calling orange juice in milk containers “milk,” but you’re really only fooling yourself. You can only control your next choice. And really, who cares which shelf I put it on in the fridge? It’s still got to get cold.

Why March?

January 23, 2017 / Jennifer / Leave a comment

I’ve seen a lot of people asking questions about the Women’s March on Washington, on Los Angeles, and on cities all over the world, including Antarctica. Most of the questions are about the purpose of the march that took place on January 21st, 2017, just one day after the inauguration of President Donald Trump. Perhaps some of the confusion comes from people looking for one single message, or one single cause. If so, they’re search is much too narrow — there were many issues that were represented at the march. What started as a “Women’s March” became so much more.

FYI — I do not expect to get all of these right, and fully complete. So please, if any one of these issues is one you feel passionately about, I invite you to comment and provide more information (either side of the issue, provided you are debating and providing facts, not calling people names and linking clear misinformation). Alternative Facts will not be tolerated here.

Why did we march? Why was it a day after the Inauguration? Was it really about Donald Trump?

Yes, a large part of it was about Donald Trump. But it goes deeper than that. It’s about the rhetoric and agenda of the Republican congress as well. Yesterday was Day 1 of the new administration. What better day to let the new administration know that people are paying attention to what is going on, and what issues are important to us?

But nothing has happened yet. Why not give him a chance?

It isn’t about what HAS happened. It is about what has been promised, what has been suggested, and what is starting to happen.

If you were able to attend, you witnessed first-hand the myriad of issues that were addressed and important to all of the people in attendance. For those who weren’t able to attend, here are some of the issues:

Planned Parenthood – The Republican Congress has been trying to defund PP for years, giving the reason that they provide abortions, which they don’t want to pay for. The fact is that about 3% of Planned Parenthoods services are for abortion, and none of those services are paid for by Federal Funds, as it is already illegal. Defunding PP would leave women in poverty stricken neighborhoods with no critical care, as PP is often the only provider in the area that they have access to.

Women’s Right to Choose — This is an ongoing battle, and is certainly not a new issue. Mike Pence has promised to overturn Roe v Wade, with the expectation that they will be able to appoint new, more conservative judges to the Supreme Court. Women’s Rights includes the right for women to choose whether or not they want to have a baby. Let’s not get into the more difficult late-term abortion discussion here. This issue alone is quite sensitive, and can become the topic of a completely separate thread. There were many who noted that Pro-Life groups were not included.

My take on the exclusion of Pro-Life groups: The goal for the March was to focus on Women’s Rights (and ergo “Human Rights”). While I completely get that the Pro-Life movement believes that Human Rights includes the rights of the unborn, there was also an overall goal of a peaceful march. Pro-Life, or specifically, Anti-Abortion, is a very volatile issue, which would likely have resulted in a great deal of ugliness. The two groups are simply not compatible, as the Pro-Life movement’s primary goal ultimately requires control over what a woman does with her body. This is counter to what are uniquely considered “Women’s Rights.”

Black Lives Matter — they do. Yes, all lives matter, but if the Black Community experienced what the white community experiences, there wouldn’t be a need to talk about it. If you have a problem with the phrase, just add “, too” to the phrase. Maybe that will help. This issue focuses, in great part, on the fact that young black men are being shot and killed by police across the country in contrast with similar encounters with young white men that do not turn violent. It’s a problem; it needs to stop.

MATA Thinking – there were a lot of “Make America Think Again” signs. Personally, I loved these. Kelly Ann Conway’s assertion this morning that Spicer, the White House Press Secretary simply presented “alternative facts,” underscores the need for Americans to stop every day and consider the information being presented to them. It’s frightening. Trump insists that his Inauguration was the “most attended in Presidential History,” when photographs and other facts easily prove otherwise. In case you’re not sure, “alternative facts” are lies.

Muslims — Trump ran a very anti-Muslim campaign. Muslims are less safe around the country than they were before his campaign started.

Immigration — Trump ran a very anti-Immigration campaign. Immigrants are less safe around the country than they were before his campaign.

Healthcare — Most people are not against changing the Affordable Care Act (Obamacare). They are concerned that the ACA will be repealed without being replaced, leaving a gap in coverage, which could easily result in loss of life for many people. We are reasonable — feel free to replace the ACA with something that will work better and be more affordable, but it needs to be available for all Americans. Congress recently took a “check” vote that indicated that most Republicans are comfortable with repealing the ACA and replacing it “later.” This would leave that gap in coverage that I am talking about. That would be irresponsible and disastrous.

Water – there was a group representing the Dakota Pipeline demonstrators. This is not something that was started by Trump, but he is now inheriting the issue. and his business friends are on the side of the pipeline, not Native American rights, land rights, or protecting the environment.

The Environment – hours after the inauguration, the government website on Climate Change was taken down. It is not an issue they plan to address. This goes along with the “Thinking” issue. Science and Facts are no longer relevant to this administration. Instead, the more convenient “Alternative Facts” that support the administration’s agenda are preferred. Trump intends to increase our coal production, and disregard the science behind Climate Change, which could have serious ramifications for the world we leave to our children. (Trump is on record saying that Climate Change is a hoax perpetuated by the Chinese.)

Education – Trump’s choice for Secretary of Education has no background in Public Education whatsoever. Her primary qualification is that she is wealthy. I encourage you to look for the video of her hearing. She was really good at deflecting and not answering questions. Her response to many of the questions was “I think that is better left to the states.” That should make her job really easy – no National standards, and let the states worry about their own quality.

Russia – Lots of information lately about this. I saw several signs reading “I can see Russia from here,” or “I can see Russia from the White House.”

Sexual Assault – Anyone who has been paying attention to the campaign should know about Trump’s language, claims, and the accusations against him. A lot of people have indicated that they just don’t care, or that it doesn’t bother them. This issue is related to the hats worn by so many women in the crowd (most pink, mine was purple). See the pussyhatproject.com for more information on the hats. Add to this the recent sentences handed down to convicted rapists — months, 3 months, etc. A recent Police Commander in New York asserted that “date rape is not as bad a rape by a stranger.” A judge in a recent rape case asked a woman why she didn’t “just keep her legs closed.”

LGBTQ – American hase voted in a Vice President who believes in “conversion therapy.” This is a community that is always at risk, from simply walking down the street safely to which bathroom they may use.

Bullying – Trump’s dialog is classic bully talk. I grew up with it. Name calling, inciting others to go against each other, lying. His behavior has “normalized” bullying, essentially “making it okay.” It’s not.

Trump, himself — he needs to be held accountable or what he says, because what he says is also what he does. He’s being held accountable for “grabbing women by the pussy,” for “bad hombres” and “nasty women.” He’s being held accountable for his obsession with tweeting, his need for constant attention, and the fact that he seems to think that he is now “king,” his kids are “princes and princesses,” and that Congress is his “court.” He doesn’t seem to understand how the government works, the content of the Constitution, or the fact that he works for us now. He refused Intelligence briefings, has stated he doesn’t need them because he’s so damn smart, and has worked hard on discrediting and shutting down media. Many of us see in his behavior signs of dictatorship. The spread of misinformation, the attempt to control media messages so they are only positive about him are classic moves. These are things that you nip in the bud early – you don’t wait until our First Amendment has essentially disappeared. Because next to go will be our personal freedoms. Yes, it’s all in the Constitution, but our rights have to be enforced to make them meaningful.

Trump Hotel The photo at the left was taken at Trump International Hotel. As approached, the crowd began to boo, indicating disapproval of Trump’s refusal to divest himself from his businesses, making it possible for him to profit from his position as President. Many Americans believe this creates quite a conflict of interest. You can also see they are gesturing their disapproval.

Not Just Women – I’d like to point out that there were a lot of men out there supporting women’s issues. Unless all men recognize the issues that women uniquely face, we’ll never move be able to get them resolved.

That’s what I’ve got for now. Please comment, and add anything I may have missed.

I’ll add more photos to the bottom of this post, but before I go, here is my favorite sign of the day. It really resonated with me, because I’m not really someone who usually gets politically involved. I’ve voted on both sides of the ticket throughout my life, depending upon who was running, and what issues were prevalent during that time,and how I felt. I have always believed in casting an educated vote, so I take the time to watch debates, read both sides of the issues, and talk to a lot of people about their opinions. But this time, it was something I felt very strongly about, and clearly a lot of people across the world did as well. If people in Antarctica thought it was important enough, then really, everyone should take a look around and consider what’s important, not only to them, but the people they love, and the people who are in the community in which they live.

Okay — Favorite Sign:

My Favorite

And the rest of the photos:

We're with you — The sign says, “We’re With You!”

Reasons to March 2 — Planned Parenthood; Message to Girls

Another Favorite — Fiction Becomes Reality

An Open Letter to… Well, Just About Everyone

October 8, 2016 / Jennifer / Leave a comment

Trump is in the news again. That’s not surprising, as he’s running for President and has a penchant for making outrageous comments that end up creating great divides between people across the country.

** Warning – this video contains vulgarity **

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8wM248Wo54U

In this case, the video is more than ten years old, and contains a conversation that took place off camera with Billy Bush, as they were on their way to some sort of filming. There is much to be offended by in this video, which is certainly being leveraged to damage Donald Trump’s run for President. What I see and hear in the video are two men talking vulgarly about a woman that Trump attempted to seduce, unsuccessfully. Donald is heard bragging about what his celebrity “allows” him to get away with. Billy Bush seems to be enjoying the conversation, as he is encouraging and, in fact, cheering Donald on. Once they exit the bus, Donald puts on his “professional” persona while Billy Bush takes on the role of “wing man,” suggesting that the woman in the video give hugs to Donald, and then himself, and continues to make sexually charged comments as they walk down the hall.

Because Billy is not running for President, his behavior is not in question by the media. In general, the media has wholeheartedly condemned Trump’s comments, while many Trump supporters have come out in defense of Trump to condemn the release of a private conversation, and others have dismissed the comments as “standard locker room talk.” I have seen some comments suggesting that most men engage in this type of banter.

Ken 1 This is what I want to talk about.

This is my “open letter” to just about everyone. Originally, I was going to write this to women, and then I realized that I was leaving out a critical part of the conversation. The subject is not Donald Trump and whether or not he should become President after making these comments. The subject is “Rape Culture and Why It Exists.”

I hope you shuddered and felt really uncomfortable when you read that. Rape is a terrible word. Over the years its impact has been diminished by slang phrases that made the term more commonplace. In my opinion, the word “rape” should have the same impact as the word “fuck.” It should be used rarely, and make people sit up and pay attention when they hear it.

Rape is a violent crime. It’s not just sex. A rapist violates his/her victim in the most intimate of ways, leaving them exposed and vulnerable. We are taught that rape has nothing to do with sex and everything to do with power and violence. And yet, the average sentence for a rapist is just under 10 years, and most serve just under 5.5 years (Bureau of Justice Statistics). We have all read recently about the case of Brock Turner, who, after being convicted of three counts of sexual assault, was sentenced to six months in prison and served only three. Even after his conviction, media sources continued to refer to him as the “Stanford swimmer,” as though his athleticism was more important than the crime he committed.

With modern technology, we are bombarded with messages via television, radio, and social media. What this media seems to be telling us is that women need to take steps to prevent rape. We need to dress modestly to avoid being seen as sexual objects. We need to make sure that we remain indoors in a safe environment when it is dark out, and not walk around alone outside. We need to make sure that we say “NO” in a very clear manner that is understood, and even then, we are not trusted to actually mean it. We should be very careful what we drink, in case someone has put a date rape drug in it. One judge in Canada even asked the rape victim why she couldn’t just keep her knees together.”

Let’s be clear. Rape is never the victim’s fault. It is always the perpetrator’s fault. And while it is smart to take steps to avoid being a victim, each and every one of us should be offended that there is even a need. Women do not have the same freedoms as men. We must constantly be on the lookout to ensure that we are safe. We may have a woman running for the highest office in the land, but we will never achieve true equality until we can walk in the same spaces as men and feel every bit as safe as they do.

So here’s the deal. When you hear Donald Trump and Billy Bush bantering and laughing about their sexual conquests, scoring, and being allowed to grab women anywhere, you cannot dismiss it as “standard locker room talk.” If you do, you’re suggesting that it is okay. You are suggesting it is okay to treat women as though they are objects, to be used and thrown away. You are suggesting that it is normal and acceptable behavior to speak of women in a disrespectful manner. All of this adds to the problem. When it is normal and okay to talk that way, it becomes normal and okay to view women that way. Then, it becomes the woman’s fault for “looking hot,” and responding to someone who seems to be treating her well, until he’s not treating her well anymore, and ends up taking what he wants and throwing her away.

Richard 2

When you hear your friends talking this way, do you stop them? Or do you laugh and join in?

Mitchell

If you have a brother, a sister, mother, father, son, daughter, friend – anyone – who tweets or posts or speaks to defend this behavior as “standard locker room talk,” or suggests that “there is no man who hasn’t said or done the same,” I urge you to sit that person down and have a talk. Tell them it isn’t okay. Tell them they are contributing, however subtly, to rape culture. Tell them that things need to change, and that they need to help lead that change in their own lives, by influencing their friends, and their families, and maybe even themselves. When it becomes “not okay” to speak of and treat women as objects, then perhaps we’ll all feel more horrified when women are treated poorly, or attacked, or raped. And maybe we’ll actually consider punishing those who attack them more than we punish those who possess drugs (in Kentucky, a first offender for drug possession can be sentenced to 2 to 10 years and fined $20K).

The video, below, features Steve Connell, who shares “Violence against women needs to end where it begins… at the hands, in the hearts and in the minds of men.”

https://youtu.be/PscD6h1iNiI

We have to change this together. It shouldn’t be up to the women to prevent their own rape. It should be up to a society who values women, cherishes women, and respects women, to collectively ensure our safety. Walking about freely should be a given, not a privilege afforded only to the big, strong, and armed.

Poet and justice advocate FreeQuency says it all quite well in her poem, “I’m Sorry.” In it, she quotes several members of Congress who have, in the past, spoken lightly about rape.

I implore each and every one of you to do your part to make this world a better place, a safer place, for women and children. We’re all on this earth together.

Facebook: How to Delete an App

August 10, 2016 / Jennifer / Leave a comment

Today’s PSA: What to do if an App automatically posts for you.

Have you ever had an App automatically post for you? You will know, because it posted one of those “game” results, or something that makes you cringe, and YOU didn’t post it. This happened to me today. I found out because someone “Liked” the post. I was horrified, as I didn’t choose it. People often think they have been hacked when this happens.

What may have happened is that at some point, you clicked on a “fun” game, and gave the app permission to post for you. But in this case, the app turned evil and decided to post for you when you weren’t looking.

Here’s what you do:

Look next to the time stamp on the post to find the name of the App. In this example, it’s MeowShare.
Look on the left side of your Home screen. Among everything else, you’ll find a list of Apps. If you hover over the area, the More link will show up. Click the More link.
You’ll switch screens to see a full list of Apps that your Facebook account is using. Find the app in the list, and click the gear button at the far right.
Choose Remove App from the drop down menu.

Be sure to look through the list to see if there are any other apps you may want to delete. If you like to play those games, you’ll probably have a lot of them. Remember that each of these apps collects information from you. Remove them to stop that data collection.

Hope

July 28, 2016 / Jennifer / Leave a comment

Most of the people who know me are aware that when I was born, my parents learned that I had hip dysplasia with a few added complications. Wrapped up and lying down, you’d never know. If you removed the blankets and examined me from head to toe, you would have seen that one of my legs was shorter than the other, at an odd angle, and you would likely have been told to be gentle with my hip. Other than that, everything was in working order.

This was new to two young parents who already had two toddlers at home. Any parent knows that when you look at the child in your arms, you begin having dreams about what that child will be like, who, and what he or she will become. That’s really hard to do when you can’t even look beyond the next year and whether or not your child will sit, crawl, stand, or walk.

My parents have told me a story of two doctors.

The first doctor examined me, and came to my parents with his prognosis. He shrugged, and told them that modern medicine was making great strides and who knows, I might be fine. But, he shook his head, he didn’t know. There weren’t a lot of cases like mine. He couldn’t promise the leg would grow. He couldn’t promise I’d ever walk. He thought it was possible that my leg might have to be amputated.

Within a few days, my father was called in to speak with his CO. He was asked “What’s going on?”

“Well, Sir, my wife refuses to see that doctor again.”

“You’ve been assigned a doctor. You need to see the doctor you’ve been assigned.”

“I’m sorry, Sir. I have to back my wife on this one. We would like to be assigned a different doctor.”

We were assigned a new doctor.

Dr. Roeser examined me, and came to my parents with his prognosis. He looked at them matter-of-factly, and informed them that there weren’t a lot of cases like mine. He couldn’t tell at this point whether or not I would ever walk. But, he shrugged, modern medicine was making great strides, and he and his team would do everything they could for me, and it was entirely possible that I would be just fine.

Dr. Roeser would eventually become my Godfather.

As it turned out, modern medicine made greater strides than my first doctor could even imagine. I was blessed to have been seen and treated by some of the top doctors in the country, who donated their time and services for me and other children in need. My case was studied in medical schools. I have walked since I was a toddler.

Today, wrapped up in every day clothes, you’d never know. If “unwrapped,” evidence of surgeons’ skilled handiwork is visible in the ever-fading scars that line my lower limbs. But unless it’s been raining, you won’t even perceive a limp. Modern medicine has been pretty amazing.

The primary difference between the two doctors? Both were most assuredly skilled. But one – one gave my parents HOPE. That was enough. That was all they needed. They took it from there. If there is anything I have learned in my life, it is the power of HOPE.

It Never Gets Old

July 10, 2016 / Jennifer / Leave a comment

Today we went to CostCo to get the tires rotated on our 11 year-old Honda Pilot. As we walked in, I noticed a red bench for customers to sit on while they wait. It was hot outside, and no one was at the front desk yet, so I sat down and scooted back so that I could sit up properly. Ed looked over at me and saw that I was swinging my legs as I sat, since my feet didn’t touch the floor. He shook his head and chuckled.

“It never gets old, does it?” I asked.

“Nope!” came the response.

Fast forward 30 minutes. This time, we’re inside CostCo, shopping while we wait for our car. We’re not in a hurry, so we’ve been exploring every aisle, checking out what’s new, and what’s cool. Finally, we get to Ed’s favorite section – the refrigerated fruit and vegetable room. Usually we go in for lettuce, cucumbers, and the like. But, our garden is starting to produce, so he’s mainly there for the cool air. I’m there to see if there’s anything I want.

He spied the tower of blueberries. Although we went berry-picking yesterday, there were no fresh blueberries to be had in the fields. Blueberries have become a favorite in our household; we eat them by the handful as though they are candy, especially when we’ve picked our own.

“Hey, go check out the blueberries,” he suggested, nodding his head in the direction of the display.

I looked over and observed the tower. Sure, I could check them out… on my tiptoes. The boxes were piled high, to the point that if I walked over and stood next to the display, my nose would just reach the top box so that I could peer over the top and see the blueberry containers. I raised my eyebrows in response, and the expression on my face communicated a single, unspoken word. “Seriously?”

Once again, he shook his head, and chuckled as he walked over to the blueberry display and easily began picking through the containers, reaching deliberately for one in the back that I would never have been able to see or touch.

“Never gets old, does it?” I asked again. This time, he just laughed.

In August, we will celebrate our 30th wedding anniversary. Apparently, it never does get old. At least I have kept him amused.

Short Girl Problems, from BuzzFeed Yellow on YouTube

This is my body

March 22, 2016 / Jennifer / Leave a comment

I saw a video this morning that made me cry.

Jennifer in WA childhood Women of all ages, colors, sizes, and shapes were being asked to describe their bodies.
I kept hearing the words, “Imperfect,” and “Disgusting,” and each time, I was shocked.
Disgusting?
These women weren’t sitting in filth. They didn’t appear to be unwashed and odorous.
Disgusting?

It seems that, to many women, “imperfect” is equal to “disgusting.”

If that’s the case, then I’ve always been disgusting.

Even in my mother’s womb, my body was imperfect.
I emerged into this world with ‘some assembly required.’
I’m pretty certain that my parents didn’t think I was perfect.
But, I’m 100% certain they didn’t think I was “disgusting.”
I believe they found me beautiful, and full of hope and potential.

Still, I did quickly learn the ways of body shaming.
Perhaps not in the usual way, finding soft parts, and flabby parts, and parts that aren’t quite shaped the way everyone draws them or edits them in photographs.
In fact, as a teen, I was gloriously thin, and I have the photos to prove it.
But I had scars, and a leg that bent kinda funny.

I found that people stared, and some became uncomfortable, and some even shouted out words to label me, attempting to describe and become more comfortable with something they didn’t understand.

And so I learned to cover them up.
But I didn’t think my body was “disgusting.”

When I wore a swimsuit, there was never a bikini. Why not? Because of the smallest pooch in my stomach. I was self-conscious. My stomach was not perfectly flat, as I perceived it should be.

Still, I never thought my body was “disgusting.”

I met a man who thought I was perfect, and beautiful. I married him, and we had two perfect children together. He still tells me I’m beautiful (even if he’s figured out that I’m not perfect).

He would be horrified at the thought that my body was “disgusting.”

Years later I realized that once I moved to a new community, I had stopped wearing shorts and swimsuits altogether. To do so would expose the scars and lead to questions. Under the cover of clothes, I could be perceived as “normal.” Once I realized this, I took a leap of faith and exposed the skin, the scars, and the imperfections, and yes, there were questions. I provided answers, and I was still loved and accepted.

Jennifer 50

Over the years, my body has become soft, and overweight. I sag in places that I’d rather not sag. Sometimes I look in the mirror and wonder if people ever think I’m pregnant, because that little pooch in my stomach is not so little anymore. I’m more “solid” than “petite” nowadays, and I could stand to lose more than a few pounds.

I recognize all of this, and yet, my body is not “disgusting.”

My greatest challenge is not with comparing myself to the images in the media, whether photoshopped, or weight contracted, or covered in make-up. I know about those. My greatest challenge is with comparing my current self with my younger self. Hindsight (pun intended) is 20-20, and now I can say with complete honesty that I was always beautiful. I should have worn bikinis and shorts. It’s easy to look back and point to a time when I can see that I was at my prime. The trick is to remind myself that I am still “prime.”

Jennifer Dancing

My body has been taken apart, and put back together again – more than once. It has run, and jumped, and swum, and hiked. It has kissed, made love, and borne children that it was never supposed to be able to carry. It has skied, and hugged, and nursed, and comforted. It has sewed, crocheted, danced, sung, cooked, eaten (and eaten some more), gardened, driven, and been massaged. It has grown, and shrunk again and again, and it has been loved.

This is MY body. It’s not perfect – never has been, and never will be. But it’s mine, and it houses everything that I am. It reflects the experiences of my life. I love my body, because I love myself, even if I frown at it in the mirror, knowing that I could do more – and I will, when I’m good and ready. For me, not for a society that doesn’t want to see my scars or my fat.

God does not give you a body and a contract that requires you to return it in the same condition you received it. God gives you a body and says, “Use it. When you’re finished with it, I’ll recycle it.”

Arming the Playground

November 15, 2015 / Jennifer / Leave a comment

When my children were small and one of them hit the other with a stick, not once did it occur to me that “if only I had given the other child a stick, this would never have happened.”

I’m sure that would have worked. I could have armed both of my children, and they would never have hit each other with sticks. Maybe. Or, they might have beat each other senseless, maimed, or killed one another.

Let’s assume that would work as a deterrent. What kind of children would I have raised, then? I would have raised children who felt that it was necessary to carry a stick and be prepared to defend themselves against the inevitable attack from their brother, cousin, friend, stranger. I would have raised children who walked around with a heart full of distrust, ready to use those sticks when needed. I might even have raised children who could figure out that if the other child had a stick, then all they had to do was make sure they got a bigger stick, or even a slingshot with a big rock, and then they could win.

So, I suppose then that only the bad kids will carry sticks. That’s right. That’s why they’re the bad kids. Why should my kids become like the bad kids? Wouldn’t it be better to try to help the bad kids become good ones?

Committing violence of any kind takes a toll on a person. Being prepared to commit violence — even in self defense, has an impact, however small it may be. Yes, my children took self-defense classes, and walked with greater confidence. Those classes did not teach them how to take someone’s life.

What I did instead was to try my best to teach my children that life is precious, and that violence is not the answer. I taught them empathy, so that if they hit someone, they would understand the pain it caused. I taught them to communicate and talk to each other about their problems. I taught them problem-solving and compromise, and encouraged them to work things out. I showed them love, and did what I could to help them feel loved and to love each other.

Remember all those bad kids carrying sticks? What if we made more of an effort to figure out why they felt the need to carry sticks and hurt people with them? What if we helped them get what they needed? Not all kids carrying sticks are trying to get millions of dollars in lunch money. Some of them need lunch, because they missed breakfast and last night’s dinner. Some are looking for attention, because they aren’t getting the love and affection they need at home.

None of this means that I didn’t take the stick away and put the perpetrator on time out, too! But that’s not enough. If you don’t fix the initial problem, then the situation will repeat itself. I had to help my kids learn the tools they needed to choose a different interaction.

Arming the playground isn’t the answer. It only helps the kids build bigger walls and seek bigger sticks.

Starbucks’ Red Holiday Cup

November 9, 2015 / Jennifer / Leave a comment

I can’t believe that people are taking offense at what Starbucks didn’t do. They didn’t put snowflakes, and ornaments, and a tree on their red holiday cup. The offense? Apparently, this is part of a “war on Christmas.” Seriously? Since when does Starbucks, or any company, owe us holiday recognition? Since when does the general public get to dictate how a company chooses to acknowledge (or not) any of our religious holidays?

Why aren’t people upset that the cups aren’t blue and white, in honor of the upcoming Hanukkah celebration?

If you call yourself a Christian, and this is what is upsetting you, I think it’s time to go back and have a long chat with God. You’re missing the entire point.

If you’re Christian, then Christmas is a time of joy, of anticipation, waiting for the birth of the Savior. It’s about giving — the Savior came with the sole purpose of giving his life for yours, for ours. Most of us won’t give our lives, but this is a time when we should be thinking about ways that we can give of ourselves to others. Thus, the entire point of gift-giving. But, how many of us give beyond our own family and friends? What are you doing to be like the Savior this year? Are you giving food, clothing, or shelter to the homeless? Are you donating to help Veterans? Are you building homes for the poor? Are you helping pay for medicine for people who can’t afford it? Are you helping to relocate refugees? Are you looking around your own neighborhood and providing companionship to an elderly person who may be alone?

Stop worrying about what Starbucks isn’t doing. Smile, and be a Savior to someone else.

tvesq

Up the Downs Staircase

Author: Jennifer