A Struggle Against Fashion Norms

There used to be a page on Facebook titled Pull Your Pants Up, You Look Like an Idiot. Now, I’m not one of those people who “Likes” Facebook pages simply because they exist; I try to be a little more discerning. Sure, I’ve been tempted to “Like” them – people create and “Like” these pages because something resonates. For example, there was the Cookie Monster page (titled Nom Nom Nom Nom Nom Nom Nom Nom Nom Nom Nom Nom Nom Nom Nom Nom Nom Nom Nom) – that brought back fond memories of Sesame Street, my childhood, and the early toddler days of my own children. Not to mention, I just love cookies. And I totally related to any of the many pages about Chocolate (who doesn’t?) or one of my favorite TV shows. However, I only laughed and showed them to my kids. But Pull up Your Pants! You Look Like an Idiot!– now there’s something I’m passionate about! I “LIKED.”

I’ve got to admit that my boys aren’t as bad as some of the kids I’ve seen around the neighborhood. I’m sure you’ve seen them, too – underwear showing, pant waistline sagging low around the hips, and sometimes even completely below the butt. Usually beltless, but sometimes the kids who wear their pants really low use a belt to keep their pants from completely falling to the ground. You would also recognize the shuffle-walk. In order to keep their pants up, these kids have to walk like a penguin, swinging each leg out, one at at time, to keep the “waist”line of the pants taught so that they don’t fall down. Honestly, it looks ridiculous, and isn’t at all practical. I’ll bet chiropractors everywhere are raking in the bucks!

I suppose I should be grateful that my boys aren’t shuffling around town with their pants hung low around their knees. When they were toddlers, I always tried to dress them properly. They wore nice pants, tucked in shirts with matched socks and properly tied shoes. As they got older and became responsible for their own grooming, the shirts came untucked, the shoes remained untied, and the socks became mismatched. Although untied shoes are a safety issue, I decided I could live with it.

But then, the pants started to get lower. I bought them belts. Really, I did! You’d never know it, because they were never worn, and eventually got lost or too small. I would walk up behind them and pull their pants up. Grandpa is famous for giving serious wedgies to any grandchild who dares to wear his pants too low in his presence. I’ve also been known to pull them down – after all, the pants are barely draped on the hips, it’s so easy! But they got good at anticipating what I was going to do and learned to stand spread-eagle so that yanking the pants to the ground was impossible.

So, I “Liked” Pull Your Pants Up, You Look Like an Idiot. In a way, it felt a bit like joining an support group for parents. There I found hundreds of other people who felt the same way I did about the low-pants style. There were photos, stories, and apparently there had been a contest to see who could submit a photo of the person who looked like the biggest idiot. I showed it to my kids. I showed it to my parents, who also “Liked” the page.

After that, every time my son walked by with his pants hung low, I would simply say, “Pull up your pants – you look like an idiot!” He would smile, hike them up, and move on. We visited my parents, and when my kids walked by with pants hung low, their grandparents would say, “Pull up your pants – you look like an idiot!” They smiled, hiked up their pants, and moved on.

One day a couple of months ago, I took my son clothes shopping. We bought pants – in the correct size. He had been wearing his brother’s and cousin’s hand-me-downs, a bit too early, so they were too big. We stopped at the belt rack, as he admitted he hadn’t seen his belt(s) in months. I found a reversible leather belt, suitable for all types of clothing, and he thought the reversible aspect was interesting. Then I spotted one with an eagle belt buckle. This one looked pretty cool, and I said so. He seemed to like it, so we bought it.

Aha! Moment #1 – if they LIKE the article of clothing, they will wear it. Eagle belt buckle was cool, ergo, it was worn. Daily. When it was misplaced, he went beltless, and heard a lot of “pull up your pants, you look like an idiot!” if he wasn’t wearing his new pants.

Aha! Moment #2 – pants that are the right size are generally not going to slip down to the knees. They might slip a little low, but nothing to warrant a serious wedgie.

A few days ago, we were driving home from school. Sitting at the stop light, my son looked out the driver’s side window and saw a young man waddling down the street, pants securely fastened about his thighs by a perfectly good belt. “Mom! Oh my gosh! Look at that kid – he looks like an IDIOT!” He egged me on to shout out the window, “Pull up your pants – you look like an idiot!” But my upbringing and personal abhorrence at being shouted at out of car windows prevented me from doing so, not to mention that I was momentarily stunned by his observation. Instead, we shook our heads together and laughed. For one wonderful, brief moment in time, teenager and mom were united as members of the same secret society.

Later that day, I was minding my own business in the family room. My son walked by and, almost without thinking, hiked up his pants and said, “Don’t worry, Mom, I’m pulling them up!”

Patience is, indeed, a virtue – and what a payoff!