Trump is in the news again. That’s not surprising, as he’s running for President and has a penchant for making outrageous comments that end up creating great divides between people across the country.

** Warning – this video contains vulgarity **

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8wM248Wo54U

In this case, the video is more than ten years old, and contains a conversation that took place off camera with Billy Bush, as they were on their way to some sort of filming. There is much to be offended by in this video, which is certainly being leveraged to damage Donald Trump’s run for President. What I see and hear in the video are two men talking vulgarly about a woman that Trump attempted to seduce, unsuccessfully. Donald is heard bragging about what his celebrity “allows” him to get away with. Billy Bush seems to be enjoying the conversation, as he is encouraging and, in fact, cheering Donald on. Once they exit the bus, Donald puts on his “professional” persona while Billy Bush takes on the role of “wing man,” suggesting that the woman in the video give hugs to Donald, and then himself, and continues to make sexually charged comments as they walk down the hall.

Because Billy is not running for President, his behavior is not in question by the media. In general, the media has wholeheartedly condemned Trump’s comments, while many Trump supporters have come out in defense of Trump to condemn the release of a private conversation, and others have dismissed the comments as “standard locker room talk.” I have seen some comments suggesting that most men engage in this type of banter.

This is what I want to talk about.

This is my “open letter” to just about everyone. Originally, I was going to write this to women, and then I realized that I was leaving out a critical part of the conversation. The subject is not Donald Trump and whether or not he should become President after making these comments. The subject is “Rape Culture and Why It Exists.”

I hope you shuddered and felt really uncomfortable when you read that. Rape is a terrible word. Over the years its impact has been diminished by slang phrases that made the term more commonplace. In my opinion, the word “rape” should have the same impact as the word “fuck.” It should be used rarely, and make people sit up and pay attention when they hear it.

Rape is a violent crime. It’s not just sex. A rapist violates his/her victim in the most intimate of ways, leaving them exposed and vulnerable. We are taught that rape has nothing to do with sex and everything to do with power and violence. And yet, the average sentence for a rapist is just under 10 years, and most serve just under 5.5 years (Bureau of Justice Statistics). We have all read recently about the case of Brock Turner, who, after being convicted of three counts of sexual assault, was sentenced to six months in prison and served only three. Even after his conviction, media sources continued to refer to him as the “Stanford swimmer,” as though his athleticism was more important than the crime he committed.

With modern technology, we are bombarded with messages via television, radio, and social media. What this media seems to be telling us is that women need to take steps to prevent rape. We need to dress modestly to avoid being seen as sexual objects. We need to make sure that we remain indoors in a safe environment when it is dark out, and not walk around alone outside. We need to make sure that we say “NO” in a very clear manner that is understood, and even then, we are not trusted to actually mean it. We should be very careful what we drink, in case someone has put a date rape drug in it. One judge in Canada even asked the rape victim why she couldn’t just keep her knees together.”

Let’s be clear. Rape is never the victim’s fault. It is always the perpetrator’s fault. And while it is smart to take steps to avoid being a victim, each and every one of us should be offended that there is even a need. Women do not have the same freedoms as men. We must constantly be on the lookout to ensure that we are safe. We may have a woman running for the highest office in the land, but we will never achieve true equality until we can walk in the same spaces as men and feel every bit as safe as they do.

So here’s the deal. When you hear Donald Trump and Billy Bush bantering and laughing about their sexual conquests, scoring, and being allowed to grab women anywhere, you cannot dismiss it as “standard locker room talk.” If you do, you’re suggesting that it is okay. You are suggesting it is okay to treat women as though they are objects, to be used and thrown away. You are suggesting that it is normal and acceptable behavior to speak of women in a disrespectful manner. All of this adds to the problem. When it is normal and okay to talk that way, it becomes normal and okay to view women that way. Then, it becomes the woman’s fault for “looking hot,” and responding to someone who seems to be treating her well, until he’s not treating her well anymore, and ends up taking what he wants and throwing her away.

When you hear your friends talking this way, do you stop them? Or do you laugh and join in?

If you have a brother, a sister, mother, father, son, daughter, friend – anyone – who tweets or posts or speaks to defend this behavior as “standard locker room talk,” or suggests that “there is no man who hasn’t said or done the same,” I urge you to sit that person down and have a talk. Tell them it isn’t okay. Tell them they are contributing, however subtly, to rape culture. Tell them that things need to change, and that they need to help lead that change in their own lives, by influencing their friends, and their families, and maybe even themselves. When it becomes “not okay” to speak of and treat women as objects, then perhaps we’ll all feel more horrified when women are treated poorly, or attacked, or raped. And maybe we’ll actually consider punishing those who attack them more than we punish those who possess drugs (in Kentucky, a first offender for drug possession can be sentenced to 2 to 10 years and fined $20K).

The video, below, features Steve Connell, who shares “Violence against women needs to end where it begins… at the hands, in the hearts and in the minds of men.”

https://youtu.be/PscD6h1iNiI

We have to change this together. It shouldn’t be up to the women to prevent their own rape. It should be up to a society who values women, cherishes women, and respects women, to collectively ensure our safety. Walking about freely should be a given, not a privilege afforded only to the big, strong, and armed.

Poet and justice advocate FreeQuency says it all quite well in her poem, “I’m Sorry.” In it, she quotes several members of Congress who have, in the past, spoken lightly about rape.

I implore each and every one of you to do your part to make this world a better place, a safer place, for women and children. We’re all on this earth together.